Pseudolus: He's a slave in ancient Rome, property of his young master,
Hero. Pseudolus spends the entire show conniving, singing, dancing, cajoling, lying,
bamboozling, cheating and stealing--all for one noble cause: to win his
freedom.
Hysterium: Straight-man to Pseudolus' comic antics, Hysterium is Head Slave
in the House of Senex. Hysterium spends the entire show fretting and panicking over
Pseudolus' insane machinations.
Hero: A naïve and foolish virgin, son of Senex, a mooncalf who unwittingly
falls in love with a courtesan. Alas, the object of his idiotic affection has been sold
as a mail-order bride. Hero employs Pseudolus in his attempts to win his love (I told
you he was stupid).
Philia: At least as intellectually challenged as Hero, she can't even add to
five. She's the only female member of the cast who's a virgin. Fortunately, she's
in love with Hero, the only male member of the cast who's a virgin.
Senex: His name sounds like sex, because that's all this over-the-hill,
hen-pecked husband can think about it. He's in lust with a new "maid", and spends the
entire show engineering their tryst. Fortunately (or unfortunately) he has Pseudolus
to help him. Father of Hero, husband to Domina, lover of no one.
Marcus Lycus: Procurer Extraordinaire with a heart of gold, slimy in a
charismatic sort of away, a coward, but proud of his magnificent stable of courtesans. He's
clever, but not clever enough to prevent Pseudolus from conning the pants off of
him.
Miles Gloriosus: A war-mongering, ego-maniacal Roman general who has purchased
Philia as a mail-order bride. He is beautiful to behold, and knows it. He is also
a sadist, murderer, plunderer and closet coward.
Domina: It's too bad the only female character in the show who's not a courtesan
has to be a nagging shrew. Domina dominates Senex, but nonetheless truly loves her son,
Hero. Domina is sexually repressed because her husband finds her hideous and repellent
(well, actually, the audience will too), and so hasn't had sex in decades. She ends up
having a thing for Miles (who wouldn't?).
Erronius: An old man who is as blind as Mr. Magoo. He has lost his twin
children years ago to pirates and still searches for them.
The Courtesans: Only one of the courtesans has any lines to speak, but each one
has their own dance solo! The six courtesans are listed below, with descriptions provided by
Marcus Lycus:
Tintintabula: "Out of the East, with the face of an idol. . . the arms of a willow
tree and the pelvis of a camel."
Panacea: ". . . with a face that holds a thousand promises and body that stands
behind each promise."
The Geminae: "A matched pair. Either one a divinely assembled woman,
together an infinite number of mathematical possibilities."
Vibrata: "Exotic as a desert bloom. . . wondrous as a flamingo. . . lithe as a
tigress. . . for the man whose interest is wildlife."
Gymnasia: "--a giant stage on which a thousand dramas can be
played."
The Proteans: Finally, the glue that holds the show together. There
are six Proteans, thespians who all must have natural comic timing and an ability to switch
between roles at the drop of a dime. The Proteans
together will play citizens, eunuchs, slaves, sailors and soldiers. They sing, dance
and perform comedic shticks. No chorus part in any show ever had so much to do, or
so much fun.
